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Blip at 3 o’clock, left breast. That is the best way that I can describe what I heard the doctor say as I laid back on the table to be examined. Then I couldn’t remember my right from left. What was she talking about? Yes, I knew I just had a mammogram but I was doing it to cover my ass. I was returning to see her today because I’m looking to explore my sexuality and wanted to know if I was physically fit; if you get my drift.

I went for the mammogram because it was due and I didn’t want to explain why I hadn’t had one. Oh well, I guess you get what you need done, even in a convoluted fashion. The best that I can tell you is that there is something in my left breast. She felt it. I couldn’t. The mammogram identifies it as “a 2 cm focal asymmetry present in left breast at 3 o’clock.” What the heck does that mean?! We don’t know. Needs further investigation.

Now I wait for the authorization for a spot compression with lateral views and ultrasound. Ugh, the agony. I stopped my doctor in her reassuring words as she sat on the little rolling stool and I was on the table. I’m suppose to be on the giving end of this information not the receiving end. I wanted to be sitting on the little rolling stool and not on the table. Nurse comfort thyself and stop your mind from racing.

I know it might be nothing, it could be something and I can’t do anything about it right now. Just live in the moment. Rejoice in the fact that the ob/gyn couldn’t stop commenting on how wonderful I looked and sounded. She said I was “glowing”. The parts I was interested in were high functioning; if you catch my drift. Good news.

I swear I’m starting to feel like a nuclear waste dump. Many people have started to use the word glowing to describe me. It’s really nice, but it starts to sound funny. I know even with the tears, I am extremely happy. I won’t let this blip in the highway of life take away my momentum. I promise not to eat over it and will keep putting one foot in front of the other. Whatever it turns out to be I will be okay.

Thanks to the wonderful women I had dinner with tonight. It was the best way I could think to spend the evening. You really helped me more than you can know. I feel lucky to have many people who care. I’ll keep you posted as details unfold.

To all others, sorry to tell you about this in the blog, but what is a girl to do at 1 o’clock when she can’t sleep. Blogging helps.

For now I will concentrate on my new vocabulary list a friend sent me. Little did he know how much I need to focus on peace right now.
 
English Peace
Spanish LaPaz
French Paix
Latin Pacem
AA Serenity