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Ommmm…..that is all I can say about this weekend. The moment I walked upon the grounds of Esalen I immediately started to relax. The excitement of the trip had me literally yelping along the shoreline drive of Highway 1. I felt like Nuala when we arrive at the dog beach and she leaps all four paws off the ground like a gazelle. It was such a treat, the ecstasy.

The meditation workshop has given me a practice on a path to change my destiny. The leader of the workshop said if we did a 5 minute meditation daily for 48 days we could change our day; keep it up for 108 days and we would change our destiny.

I’m not sure of my destiny but it seems like an easy task to focus on the arising, existing and release for 5 minutes each day. Today, I sat for 12 minutes and it seemed like 5. The longest meditation we did during the workshop was 40 minutes, which is the ultimate goal.

I’ve counted the days, 48 days brings me to July 12 and 108 days takes me to September 10th. Both seem like important times of transition in my life. July 12th marks the end of Arno & Susi’s visit from Germany and September 10th coincides with a milestone in our group consciousness. I’m looking forward to the journey.

As for journeys, the trip to Esalen was amazing. Listening to gay husband, Josh, I was on the road by 5:15 a.m. to avoid L.A. traffic. Boy, did I avoid traffic. I had reached Cambria before 10:30 a.m. Esalen doesn’t allow new guest to arrive before 2 p.m. What’s a girl to do? A quick stop at San Simeon to see Hearst’s Castle.

The day was cloudy with a beautiful misty rain. I did Tour 2 which took us to Hearst’s private bedrooms, library and kitchen. I couldn’t figure out how to stop the flash from working on my camera so here are a few shots that I was able to sneak. My favorite part of the castle is all the wonderful craftsman style tiles that line the walls and walks. As for the artwork it appears crowded and jumbled. Hearst built this enormous house with small rooms so that he could fit all the “stuff” he had acquired from Europe. Some rooms were nicer than others, but for the most part I didn’t think it seemed comfortable or peaceful. The surrounding terrain was spectacular.

For the ride home I made a quick stop to see the seals on the beach above San Simeon. Note their happy smiles as they slumber in restful bliss. I think they mirror me in my cosmic bliss, content in the simple things of life. Good friends, warm love and the shining sun.

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Today the insomnia may be working to my advantage. I’m leaving early to start my much anticipated weekend of relaxation and meditation up at Esalen. Wait; is that an oxymoron to anticipate relaxation? Laurie “Girl on the Go” is learning to “Let Go” but having a hard time releasing herself in the moment.

Friend, Heather, sent me this wonderful link to a story by Mark Morford entitled,“Sit down, shut up and breathe”. From the title you would think that was my present mantra, which might be why meditation has not always seemed so simple. Hard to relax when you are beating yourself on the head with a mental mallet.

I am hoping with the Mind, Mood, and Happiness: Meditation and Mindbody Healing Workshop that I will learn to become not only a compassionate person to a recorded woman screaming in distress, but most importantly to the woman screaming in my frontal lobe that is me. The secret must be to quiet that internal lady so that I can be empathetic and compassionate to others. Wish me luck.

Safe travels to all who may be joining me on the physical and mental highways this weekend. No road rage allowed.

Is Nuala meditating or sleeping? Whichever she seems to be at peace. No dogs allowed at Esalen, thanks K&V for taking in the orphan. I’ll miss her.

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Little did I know a few months ago when I discovered the “Wizard of Bras”, Monrovia, CA was going to become one of my frequent destinations. Start telling people you have found a good thing and they all want to see what you have found. For those who are interested here are links to Wizard of Bras website and Kate’s blog about our initial visit.

What intrigued me about yesterday’s field trip was that I was taking a friend and her 12 year old daughter to get her daughter’s first real bras. Not being a mother myself it is only through these short glimpses in the lives of others that I see the emotional as well as physical changes that are occurring during these pubescent years. I got to be an Auntie for a day.

Having the bra ladies measure you, demonstrate the proper placement and fitting of the bra can be intimidating for a veteran like myself. Sonia did well under pressure. I could see her apprehension and dread. It was definitely time for the support. It was cute that she had no idea that her cup size was large. She just couldn’t believe her mother had convinced her to buy anything so lacy and girlie. It was sweet.

Once the shopping was finished and a stop for an outdoor lunch in Monrovia with poodle in tow it was time to head back to Long Beach. Our excursion was short, we were ladies and poodle on a mission. Friend/Mom noted that we still had time for a prearranged play date at the park. When asked if she would like to go to the park. Sonia squealed, “Yes, I would love to go to the park.” She started talking the most she had the entire day. This was a subject she knew and it interested her. She was delighted.

As we pulled up the car and let Sonia out to be with her friends, I watched her dash to the jungle gym and slides. I realized at that moment she was still such a little girl. Unaware that the physical changes she was experiencing were just the starting point of a huge emotional shift that was about to occur in her life. For my friend, motherhood was going to take on a whole new set of challenges. Wow what a time.

For me this journey reminds me of one of my favorite Mother and Daughter stories. I was probably around Sonia’s age and I went with my mom to have her jewelry appraised for insurance purposes. As we walked past the counters of large diamonds necklaces and earrings I exclaimed, “who would ever want to wear this gaudy stuff!?” My mother with a knowing eye, smiled at me and said, ”just wait dear, you’ll see.”

Thirty something years later I do see. Thanks mom for taking me shopping for my first bra and allowing me to come to understand and appreciate the finer things in life. Happy Mother’s Day.

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For those who might not be familiar with this romantic romp. Think of Julia Robert’s movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and substitute maid of honor for best man and you have the premise. Womanizing Patrick Dempsey is asked to be the maid of honor for his platonic girlfriend played by Michelle Monaghan. Guess what? Dempsey ruins the wedding, gets the girl in the end and hunky Kevin McKidd (from HBO’s Rome) gets left at the alter. Wow…didn’t see that coming.

You might be wondering why a discerning movie critic like myself might be interested in seeing the girlie flick, made for theater vehicle for Dr. McDreamy. I’ve never been a fan of the McDreamy nor watched either of his television shows. It was because of a realization I had in the Macy’s dressing room that caused me to want to see this film.

Weeks ago they were running teaser adds for “Maid of Honor.” One of film clips shows Monaghan stepping out of a ladies dressing room dressed in a tight bustier, black hose and whip. Very, very sexy. A look I’ll probably never possess.

Here is were it gets good for me, ladies and gents. As I was standing looking at myself in the Macy’s dressing room mirror lamenting that I might never have that particular sex kitten look I realized that not all guys look like Patrick Dempsey nor George Clooney. Sometimes guys who look like George Costanza can make my heart do flips.

There is hope and love for all of us. I swear by next year I might actually like my thighs.

As for the movie I will give it 2 nursing caps with the prescription “best flick to see after an ultrasound and you want some mindless entertainment.”

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Blip at 3 o’clock, left breast. That is the best way that I can describe what I heard the doctor say as I laid back on the table to be examined. Then I couldn’t remember my right from left. What was she talking about? Yes, I knew I just had a mammogram but I was doing it to cover my ass. I was returning to see her today because I’m looking to explore my sexuality and wanted to know if I was physically fit; if you get my drift.

I went for the mammogram because it was due and I didn’t want to explain why I hadn’t had one. Oh well, I guess you get what you need done, even in a convoluted fashion. The best that I can tell you is that there is something in my left breast. She felt it. I couldn’t. The mammogram identifies it as “a 2 cm focal asymmetry present in left breast at 3 o’clock.” What the heck does that mean?! We don’t know. Needs further investigation.

Now I wait for the authorization for a spot compression with lateral views and ultrasound. Ugh, the agony. I stopped my doctor in her reassuring words as she sat on the little rolling stool and I was on the table. I’m suppose to be on the giving end of this information not the receiving end. I wanted to be sitting on the little rolling stool and not on the table. Nurse comfort thyself and stop your mind from racing.

I know it might be nothing, it could be something and I can’t do anything about it right now. Just live in the moment. Rejoice in the fact that the ob/gyn couldn’t stop commenting on how wonderful I looked and sounded. She said I was “glowing”. The parts I was interested in were high functioning; if you catch my drift. Good news.

I swear I’m starting to feel like a nuclear waste dump. Many people have started to use the word glowing to describe me. It’s really nice, but it starts to sound funny. I know even with the tears, I am extremely happy. I won’t let this blip in the highway of life take away my momentum. I promise not to eat over it and will keep putting one foot in front of the other. Whatever it turns out to be I will be okay.

Thanks to the wonderful women I had dinner with tonight. It was the best way I could think to spend the evening. You really helped me more than you can know. I feel lucky to have many people who care. I’ll keep you posted as details unfold.

To all others, sorry to tell you about this in the blog, but what is a girl to do at 1 o’clock when she can’t sleep. Blogging helps.

For now I will concentrate on my new vocabulary list a friend sent me. Little did he know how much I need to focus on peace right now.
 
English Peace
Spanish LaPaz
French Paix
Latin Pacem
AA Serenity

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Ahh, to be home again. Here is a photo of the beautiful rose that Roy gave me when I went to dinner at his and Chris G.’s house. It was a wonderful treat and welcome to my comfy bedroom, after 2 nights of sleeping on a 4 inch plastic mattress on the floor. It’s great to be back.

The weekend at Pathfinder’s Ranch was everything I wanted it to be. One of the best experiences was when I wandered off by myself into this large collection of boulders and sunned myself like a giant Iguana on the rocks. It helped to see the smaller desert lizards scurry when I approached. The smaller reptiles did not return once I had found my spot, but a male chipmunk/squirrel thing (I’m not sure what it was) came out to do a warning cry or mating call for about 15 minutes. Didn’t know these animals could make this type of noise.

For me the rock lying was being at peace in nature and I had the organic experience of bonding with my belly. There was something about being out there that I was able to find a sense of acceptance. For all the women who might be reading this blog, if I can learn to accept my belly, there is hope for you. Next body part will be my thighs. That will have to wait. For the moment I have the weirdest sunburn of my life and my legs are about three different shades of red. Thank goodness it doesn’t hurt. Here are some photos of my view from the rock.

Note on the world: Today is the Pennsylvania primary. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and anxious to get the results. Good luck Barack! Mark & Michelle have started Pie in the Sky II Road Trip, I’m looking forward to incremental updates from the road. Robin is back up and running after being hit by tornado. Janice survived an earthquake. Gosh, I’m glad to be connected. Look at all that happened while I was gone.

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