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Little did I know a few months ago when I discovered the “Wizard of Bras”, Monrovia, CA was going to become one of my frequent destinations. Start telling people you have found a good thing and they all want to see what you have found. For those who are interested here are links to Wizard of Bras website and Kate’s blog about our initial visit.

What intrigued me about yesterday’s field trip was that I was taking a friend and her 12 year old daughter to get her daughter’s first real bras. Not being a mother myself it is only through these short glimpses in the lives of others that I see the emotional as well as physical changes that are occurring during these pubescent years. I got to be an Auntie for a day.

Having the bra ladies measure you, demonstrate the proper placement and fitting of the bra can be intimidating for a veteran like myself. Sonia did well under pressure. I could see her apprehension and dread. It was definitely time for the support. It was cute that she had no idea that her cup size was large. She just couldn’t believe her mother had convinced her to buy anything so lacy and girlie. It was sweet.

Once the shopping was finished and a stop for an outdoor lunch in Monrovia with poodle in tow it was time to head back to Long Beach. Our excursion was short, we were ladies and poodle on a mission. Friend/Mom noted that we still had time for a prearranged play date at the park. When asked if she would like to go to the park. Sonia squealed, “Yes, I would love to go to the park.” She started talking the most she had the entire day. This was a subject she knew and it interested her. She was delighted.

As we pulled up the car and let Sonia out to be with her friends, I watched her dash to the jungle gym and slides. I realized at that moment she was still such a little girl. Unaware that the physical changes she was experiencing were just the starting point of a huge emotional shift that was about to occur in her life. For my friend, motherhood was going to take on a whole new set of challenges. Wow what a time.

For me this journey reminds me of one of my favorite Mother and Daughter stories. I was probably around Sonia’s age and I went with my mom to have her jewelry appraised for insurance purposes. As we walked past the counters of large diamonds necklaces and earrings I exclaimed, “who would ever want to wear this gaudy stuff!?” My mother with a knowing eye, smiled at me and said, ”just wait dear, you’ll see.”

Thirty something years later I do see. Thanks mom for taking me shopping for my first bra and allowing me to come to understand and appreciate the finer things in life. Happy Mother’s Day.

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Last night we had our first feast under the vine at K&V’s house. It was in honor of M&M’s stop over in Long Beach during their Pie In the Sky Part II road-trip. You can read all about M&M’s adventures at M&M’s incremental updates (see link in blogroll).

It was a wonderful night of good food, great friends and dogs. K&V once again orchestrated a killer evening of food. Everyone commented on my new look. The dogs were on their best behavior sniffing around for a bite of steak or lick of custard. Ahh….what a great life I’m living. I want to keep it.

For the foodies in the loop here is our menu followed by some snaps of us enjoying the time and space convergence of our lives. Love to all and Happy Trails M&M!

The Food:

A carpaccio of beef with a selection of olive oils
Roasted artichokes
Walnuts and dates with Parmigiano Reggiano
olives and pickles
Cocktails and champagne

Steak Frites with a variety of sauces
Val’s glazed farmers market carrots
A salad of arugula with beets, oranges and goat cheese
Brunello di Montalcino

Spring berries with bay leaf custard
Coffee, port and champagne

The Friends:

Bloggers go wild vying for best photo.

Good conversation & happy glow

The Poodle

Michelle & Nuala bonded over having the same hair texture and color.

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Significant. That was the word the radiation oncologist I work with used when he read that the “focal asymmetry” was 2 cm. on the mammogram report. He than wanted the results from the previous mammogram and to talk to the radiologist directly who read the test. He popped up from the table and went to get him on the phone. Wow, I felt so lucky to have him on my team and to see his concern. As luck would have it , the radiologist is out of the office until Monday and the covering radiologist would not discuss another person’s report. Ugh, I guess I’m not suppose to know any other news.

My doctor was frustrated with the vagueness of the report, he agreed it didn’t really tell us anything. Good news that it didn’t show calcification. I knew that. Gosh, I wish I would have had him feel my breast. I think I’ll do that on Tuesday when I work with him. He also said he thought the focal asymmetry would probably be cystic; which is my hope and desire.

The other doctor I work with walked in on us and reassured us to stop worrying until I got the results of the ultrasound. He then said to me, that he understood my emotions. He said, “just wait until one of us have an elevated PSA.” Breast and prostate cancer patients make up approximately 60% of our patient population. It is scary to be here.

For me at this moment in time it is wonderful to feel and connect with the wonderful outpouring of love that I have been receiving. Thanks to everyone. It was wonderful to receive a love note from Amsterdam addressed to “My sweet southern girl.” Thank you everyone.

I’m looking forward to the weekend, spending time with new and old friends and of course the poodle.

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I got a sense of release when I was able to get the authorization from the insurance in less than 24 hours. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get booked to do the double procedure of spot mammogram and ultrasound until next Friday. That is May 2 @ 2:30 p.m. for those who believe in powerful positive thought at the precise moment in time. Thanks to everyone who has given me much love and support. Especially all of the women who have identified as having recent benign scares in the past 12 months. It helps. So now being at peace during the waiting is the practice for me.

Vanity Part 1 - I have these dark ringed sunburned rings on my cheeks that makes me look like that old cigarette commercial where the guy would say “I’d rather fight than switch.” I guess rock sunbathing like an Iguana you have to pay the price. I’m just hoping people don’t think they are insomnia induced tear rings. Humm maybe the sunburn is mixed in with this other stuff. I just know I want them to go away.

Looking forward to ginormous hugs from everyone I see. Yeah! Michelle, Mark & Angela are coming to town.

Paix

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Blip at 3 o’clock, left breast. That is the best way that I can describe what I heard the doctor say as I laid back on the table to be examined. Then I couldn’t remember my right from left. What was she talking about? Yes, I knew I just had a mammogram but I was doing it to cover my ass. I was returning to see her today because I’m looking to explore my sexuality and wanted to know if I was physically fit; if you get my drift.

I went for the mammogram because it was due and I didn’t want to explain why I hadn’t had one. Oh well, I guess you get what you need done, even in a convoluted fashion. The best that I can tell you is that there is something in my left breast. She felt it. I couldn’t. The mammogram identifies it as “a 2 cm focal asymmetry present in left breast at 3 o’clock.” What the heck does that mean?! We don’t know. Needs further investigation.

Now I wait for the authorization for a spot compression with lateral views and ultrasound. Ugh, the agony. I stopped my doctor in her reassuring words as she sat on the little rolling stool and I was on the table. I’m suppose to be on the giving end of this information not the receiving end. I wanted to be sitting on the little rolling stool and not on the table. Nurse comfort thyself and stop your mind from racing.

I know it might be nothing, it could be something and I can’t do anything about it right now. Just live in the moment. Rejoice in the fact that the ob/gyn couldn’t stop commenting on how wonderful I looked and sounded. She said I was “glowing”. The parts I was interested in were high functioning; if you catch my drift. Good news.

I swear I’m starting to feel like a nuclear waste dump. Many people have started to use the word glowing to describe me. It’s really nice, but it starts to sound funny. I know even with the tears, I am extremely happy. I won’t let this blip in the highway of life take away my momentum. I promise not to eat over it and will keep putting one foot in front of the other. Whatever it turns out to be I will be okay.

Thanks to the wonderful women I had dinner with tonight. It was the best way I could think to spend the evening. You really helped me more than you can know. I feel lucky to have many people who care. I’ll keep you posted as details unfold.

To all others, sorry to tell you about this in the blog, but what is a girl to do at 1 o’clock when she can’t sleep. Blogging helps.

For now I will concentrate on my new vocabulary list a friend sent me. Little did he know how much I need to focus on peace right now.
 
English Peace
Spanish LaPaz
French Paix
Latin Pacem
AA Serenity

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Ahh, to be home again. Here is a photo of the beautiful rose that Roy gave me when I went to dinner at his and Chris G.’s house. It was a wonderful treat and welcome to my comfy bedroom, after 2 nights of sleeping on a 4 inch plastic mattress on the floor. It’s great to be back.

The weekend at Pathfinder’s Ranch was everything I wanted it to be. One of the best experiences was when I wandered off by myself into this large collection of boulders and sunned myself like a giant Iguana on the rocks. It helped to see the smaller desert lizards scurry when I approached. The smaller reptiles did not return once I had found my spot, but a male chipmunk/squirrel thing (I’m not sure what it was) came out to do a warning cry or mating call for about 15 minutes. Didn’t know these animals could make this type of noise.

For me the rock lying was being at peace in nature and I had the organic experience of bonding with my belly. There was something about being out there that I was able to find a sense of acceptance. For all the women who might be reading this blog, if I can learn to accept my belly, there is hope for you. Next body part will be my thighs. That will have to wait. For the moment I have the weirdest sunburn of my life and my legs are about three different shades of red. Thank goodness it doesn’t hurt. Here are some photos of my view from the rock.

Note on the world: Today is the Pennsylvania primary. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and anxious to get the results. Good luck Barack! Mark & Michelle have started Pie in the Sky II Road Trip, I’m looking forward to incremental updates from the road. Robin is back up and running after being hit by tornado. Janice survived an earthquake. Gosh, I’m glad to be connected. Look at all that happened while I was gone.

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If you look on the blogroll you might notice a new link has been added. My friend, Angela Agosta, is a woman created for social impact in the world. In the year that I have known her she has traveled to Kenya to work in a secular mission. Literally leaving Kenya the day of the elections, thus avoiding the violence. You can read about her work in Africa in her December, 2007 archive.

Angela’s latest adventure has her working as a North Pacific Groundfish Observer off the coast of Alaska. For those of us who love our sablefish (a.k.a. black cod) Angela’s recent post shows how these men plus one woman work to bring us dinner on the table. For now her posts will be infrequent since she is spending 4-6 weeks on the Bering Sea. It amazes me that this blond hair, green eyed cutie is willing to put herself in such dangerous situations. Enjoy. -

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